The tolerance for medical procedures in our family varies widely among our members. On the one hand, my wife waives her right to novacane during root canals. I, on the other hand, feinted when a colleague offered details about his vasectomy. After diagnosing me with an acute case of “wimpyness” the paramedic was kind enough to offer his cell phone to call my wife. I think she was having a root canal.
These medical tolerance attributes have mapped perfectly on our children from a genetic standpoint, however, the gender aspect of the behavior has been reversed. Our son can self-appendectomize, but our daughter, despite her ability to out-wrestle a brown bear, requires anesthesia for nose drops.
A few days ago, our son was having a mole removed. Hey, this is California! We prepare our kids for “Reading,” “wRiting” and “Reality TV.” True to form, he didn’t flinch as the doctor manipulated a scalpel on his neck, too close to his jugular for my comfort… I was observing from distance with an oxygen mask and some standby smelling salts.
Along with their beauty, both our children were adorned with neck moles. So our daughter, who is scheduled for a similar procedure in a few weeks, was naturally interested in our son’s experience. Now had this been 40 years ago, I’d have gleefully tortured my younger sister with a comment like, “Imagine you’re naked on the pitcher’s mound at Yankee Stadium…and a doctor walks from the bullpen while, ‘MOOHAHAHAHAHAl!’ is blasted over the P.A. system.”
Fortunately, he’s not as cruel as I and said, “It only hurt when he gave me the needle.”
“HE GAVE YOU A NEEDLE IN YOUR NECK!!!”
She’ll fade in an out between “business as usual” and needing a life support system over the next few weeks as she contemplates her pending appointment. In the end, she’ll do just fine.
So there you have it…the Malgeri Family medical procedure response dossier. Stay healthy my friends!