Doggie DNA

Doggie DNA

On Dad's Watch Doggie DNAEver since we got our new pup, his pedigree has been under suspicion. During our original search for our furry widdle guy, we came across a website specializing in Bichon rescues. “Oh, I LOVE BICHONS!” said my wife. “They’ve got those poofy heads and they’re sooooo KYYYOOOOOOOOOOT! Let’s get one!”

And so we did, waiting for the day when his hair would sprout to a sufficient radial dimension so as to warrant a visit to some high priced Beverly Hills Bichon Grooming Salon. No doubt someone named Pierre would tell my wife and daughter how “KYYYOOOOOOT” he was while I withdrew the funds from our home equity line of credit to pay for the elaborate coif.

The day never came as his hair kind of scruffed out in adorable, though non-bichon directions, while his paws rival the size of a Sasquatch toddler…another bichon NOT trait!

If I had a nickel for every time my wife said, “This dog is NOT a Bichon!” I’d have fifty dollars and sixty five cents. That’s my way of saying she’s said it over 1000 TIMES! No need to do the math, it’s correct.

True to form for my LisaBelle, she found out about these “Wisdom Panel Breed Identification DNA Test Kits.” For about $65 you get to swab your puppy’s gums, instruct your husband to take time off from work to wait in line at the post office to “Express Mail” the DNA sample in the special bio package, and wait for an email containing the test results.

As expected by my wife, not a single double helix among the billions of nucleic acids comprising our beloved Kiwi, spiral into anything even remotely resembling a purebred Bichon. On the contrary, his adenines, cytosines, thymines, quanines, purines and pyrimidines (isn’t Google great!) appear to be hand crafted to represent close to EVERY DOG ON THE PLANET! Let’s put it this way…this guy’s ancestor’s had no problem mixing pasta with pierogies. The recommendation the DNA scientists came up with for us was that we should call him a “Woodle,” which is a mix of a Welsh Terrier and a Poodle. That’s definitely a KYOOOOT moniker, so I’m good wit dat. However, my wife has hired O.J.’s former DNA attorney and plans on filing a lawsuit against the Bichon rescue for misrepresentation…just kidding on that.

Anyway, so there you have it. We’re the proud parents of an amazing Widdle Woodle. He’s sleeping next to me right now as he does every day while I work. We’ve become quite the pals, although when Mom and the kids walk in the door at the end of the day, it’s clear he’s saved a billion wags just for them. See y’all next time!


Authored by: Michael Malgeri

Michael lives in Redondo Beach with his wonderful wife and their beautiful children, the stars of "On Dad's Watch." He makes a living in the software industry and pursues writing in between fun family events. Along with "On Dad's Watch," Michael believes there's a need to teach young people about the morality and practicality of Capitalism as well as provide them with an alternative perspective on environmental issues. His books on these topics can be found at

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