I was flattered not long ago when our daughter said, “Dad, today my gym teacher asked if I was embarrassed that my Dad wrote stories about me.” I surmised her teacher picked up a copy of “What’s Up For Kids.”
Notice how I demonstrated not a smidgen of concern that perhaps I was causing her undue humiliation during a time in her life (female adolescence, middle school) when it’s all about appearances.
Unfortunately for my kids I subscribe to the “Miracle Max” philosophy of how to spend your spare time. For those of you who aren’t rabid “Princess Bride” fans, though I can’t imagine a living human who isn’t, Miracle Max was played by Billy Crystal in the greatest movie of the modern cinematic age. When Max is informed that he has the power to stop Prince Humperdinck’s wedding if he resurrects the “Dread Pirate Roberts,” the following ensues:
“Wait, wait! I make him better Humperdinck suffers?!”
“Now THAT’S a noble cause! Give me the sixty-five, I’m on the job!”
While I attempt to chronicle a few tidbits of memorable significance in the lives of our kids, which in today’s digital world of cloud storage and immutable archives effectively immortalizes their antics, the primary motivation of my writings is vengeful humiliation. It’s payback for a mile long list of parental grievances ranging from diaper changes to messy rooms…MOOO HA HA HA HA! Speaking of diaper changes, if this new puppy doesn’t learn to put his doggie droppings in the proper place, I’m gonna start divulging the skeletons in HIS closet! Do you guys know he chews with his mouth open?
So every now and then I’ll capture a slice of family life but as the weeks go by, I’ll remain true to this noble cause…HUMILIATIONS GALORE!!! Let’s have another MOO HA HA HA HA!!!