Yes, I’m a “Tail-Man”…”Pony” that is. I LUV ’em! Pony tails are about attitude. I’ve developed a system of tails to compliment the moods of even the most capricious. Here’s what I described to our daughter, who’s a bonafide “Tailer”.
The Low Tail – This tail says, “Why do I even have hair!” It begins near the neck, pinched with a worn out scrunchy. If low tails are in fashion, consider short selling stocks.
The Pony Tail – At 90-degrees to the Low Tail, the Pony is a dramatic attitude improvement. A baseball cap indicates a fun lovin’ kid. Double points for “Yankee” fans.
Side Tail – If this tail covers the shoulder, there’s no energy around. She prefers afternoons with Chamomile tea and poetry. If it floats above the ear, anticipate lopsided kinetic behavior due to asymmetry. Two high side tails are “Pigtails”…she’s 5, go to the park.
Fly Tail – Slightly above the Pony, the Fly Tail takes adventure up a notch. Roller blading and snow boarding are pastimes of Fly Tailers.
High Tail – At 45 degrees between the Pony and a vertical spike, High Tails ride on girls that like to rock climb, sky dive, spelunk and slam-dunk. These ladies are high achievers, often found in boardroom meetings or competing in the Iditarod.
Sky Tail – Sky Tailers could be auditioning for an “I dream of Jeannie” remake, but they’re likely looking for non-stop fun. They should stay indoors in a lightning storm.
The Punk Tail – Jutting from the forehead, the Punk is accompanied by a bullring through the nose. This tail appears at 13 saying something’s gone awry. Any other tail is preferred. You’ll wish you could start again with pigtails.
So that’s Dad’s Tale of Tails. Remember, “Beware the Punk!”